Authors are often lambasted by readers when they write a story with themselves, the author, as the main character. Often an idealized version of themselves that heroically leads their story. Krell… is definitely not me. Krell is very much the opposite of me. I didn’t necessarily even realize just how much I took the contrary position to who I am in reality vs. the paladin of ReckNor.
First and foremost, let’s discuss faith. I am not religious. I do not attend any services for any faith. I do not particularly believe in any one religion, though my upbringing included efforts by my parents in the Anglican Church here in Canada, and my vocabulary includes those default reactions that show I was brought up in some approximation of the Christian faith. I am very likely to take the lords name in vain when I kick something hard by accident, for example.
Krell is devout in a way that impacts every facet of his life. One aspect of fantasy literature that I adore is the absolute certainty that people would have about divinity; the gods are provably observably real. I envy that certainty, I suppose, and if that were how our world operated then I would absolutely be a man of faith. In fact, people like me … atheists probably? I can be very spiritual and philosophical at times, so maybe that isn’t the right word to describe me. Either way, this “I don’t believe in supreme deities” position would be utter madness in such a world. Anytime I read a story where a character does not believe in the gods in a fantasy world, I am immediately broken out of my suspension of disbelief.
I started writing a quick aside talking about religion and my beliefs here, and it became a whole blog post itself. TLDR; You’re religious? Great – you do you, and I’ll do my best to not do anything objectionable, because I want to be a good person. I don’t always succeed, but I always try.
The second major difference is how driven Krell is. This comes up in the series multiple times, but he is always striving to better himself. To grow stronger. To master magic. To learn courtly graces and table etiquette. To learn everything and anything that can help him survive the storm he’s being thrown into, because paladins die young, and for stupid reasons. If ReckNor called him then there must be a terrifying reason for it, some power that Krell will need to stand against, and he knows it will kill him if he isn’t the strongest, most capable version of himself that he can be. And even then, it still might kill him.
I quite enjoy spending time watching fun YouTube videos. I enjoy movies and television shows. I’ll probably write something about Andor and Project Hail Mary, two pieces of media that are not just good, not just the best thing I’ve seen that year, but in my top rated list of best things I’ve ever seen… ever. Very few movies can move me to tears, and Project Hail Mary did so… twice. All this to say that if I have some spare time, I’m very pro-leisure. Krell doesn’t have hobbies unless you include practicing sword skills. This will change and evolve over time, as certain influences begin to soften some of his hard edges, but early on he is a man of singular focus and stubbornness.
The final difference I will talk about is attitude. In my professional career, I have worked with so many different teams and individuals I cannot possibly keep track. I’ve had to learn to collaborate, to accept opinions that are different from my own. One key aspect that I internalized is that any plan or opinion I hold should be discarded when presented with data that supports a different plan or opinion. This is a key part of being good at quality assurance generally, and software quality assurance in particular (things in the world of enterprise software change very quickly!). I’ve spent a career being thought of as good to work with, clever and intelligent, and willing to compromise.
Then I wrote a fantasy book. Wow, is Krell not that.
Krell is stubborn, uneducated, and does not compromise. He’s impulsive, rarely thinking things through (like that time he punched that guy in book 2 – no spoilers here). Yet he talks about consequences all the time. He’s wildly inconsistent, brash, and arrogant. One of my favourite reviews said (and I’m paraphrasing as the YouTube video has been removed) “He talks about how paladins die young but then throws himself into danger at every chance he gets!”
I hadn’t even realized I wrote a character that was a fantasy of how I wish I could operate (sometimes!) at work and still be effective until I was about to publish book 2. It’s surprising to me, but there it is. I have so many stories of being in meetings and arguing with people about what the data means, and I would have loved to just dictate terms. When I’m extremely confident, it’s almost always because I have decades of experience that will likely prove me right in the end.
There are some other similarities – Krell and I both have blue eyes, for example. That totally came from me. I wrote him smaller than others, so that he’s seen as less capable, whereas I am 173 cm tall, so a little above average.
It’s a fascinating journey, creating characters. They’re this blend of who I am and who I wish I could be and things I would never do, mashed together into this new persona. One throughline remains constant, however. Like me, Krell tries to be a good person.
